sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
