You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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