That's intense
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
