For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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