Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
