Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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