I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
