this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
