He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Found your dick twin last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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