Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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