I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
