I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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