You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
