Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
