her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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