apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize