she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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