so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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