It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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