i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
