apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
