his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
