Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
