I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
