If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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