im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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