DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
