So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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