Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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