I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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