i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
