I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
