Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
