There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
