Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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