Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize