I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
