we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
