Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
