I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
