Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
