It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
