last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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