it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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