I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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