Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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