y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
