you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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