my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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