Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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