You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
