I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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