Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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