He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
