I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
