I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
