I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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