You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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