You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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