The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
