i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
