i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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