Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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