Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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