He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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