Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
