no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
