I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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