I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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