I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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