the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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