dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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