One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
