Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
