he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
