she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
