it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize