when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
