you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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