His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
