she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
