i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
