Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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