I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Randomize