this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
