Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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