did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
