either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
