Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
