she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
