i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
