If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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