It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
