apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
