and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
