pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
