my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
