Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
