Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
