She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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