I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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