Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
