why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
