I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
