You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
