i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I didn't shave. On purpose
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
