pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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