I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
